just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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