it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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