4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
