Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
