Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize