Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
