Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
