i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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