I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize