When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
