well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
