She's JV to your varsity
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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