I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
