Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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