Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
