The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize