I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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