I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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