I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
