Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
