I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to have your abortion
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
