dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
