Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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