Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
