After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
