so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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