I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
