How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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