woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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