I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
