I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
