I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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