I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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