You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
