i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
