At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
