I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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