soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
