As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
