names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
