Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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