Yo dont text me then not text me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
