im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
