fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
