yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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