I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
