I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
worst night to have a conscience
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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