she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
