I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize