I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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