You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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