i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the raccoons are back...
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