That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
