so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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