another moral hangover. fuck.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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