apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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