I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
