My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
