i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
