White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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