drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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