i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
