Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
