I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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