hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
