i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
