In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize