Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She bit a glass in half.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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