I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
