eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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