I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
