I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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