i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
id be glad to
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
