Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
PANTIES FOUND
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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