It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize