a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
