That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
