I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This baby is an asshole
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
