i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
