Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
