I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
