I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently you make a good broom.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
