I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
