WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked a lego.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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