Just cropdusted the office
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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