I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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