His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
